I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
