How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
