Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
