two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
