worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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