another moral hangover. fuck.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
