just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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