When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
