he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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