I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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