the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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