wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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