Just cropdusted the office
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
