Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
