Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
