There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize