someone get that fucking seahorse.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
