Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
