Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
