I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
