apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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