he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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