shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
