FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
