If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
