Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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