Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
