im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
