She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
