I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
