I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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