take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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