you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
