I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
