So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
