ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He shit in the fireplace
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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