if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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