I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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