I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
