we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
