You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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