so explain again why im purple
no
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
