My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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