He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
