If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
