The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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