she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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