They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
