Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
