Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
